Some years ago I attended the funeral of an older person in our
community who had been living alone for many years following the death of her
husband.
She was in her 80’s, and one day her pastor found her in her home,
badly dehydrated and completely incapacitated by a stroke. She had been
unable to call anyone for help, and had been in that state for several
days before anyone thought to check on her. She then died within hours
of being taken to the hospital.
Here was a wonderful woman who had been very active in her church and community all her life, and yet who nearly died alone. And there were a mere 100
people at her funeral, held on a Sunday afternoon. Actually that is not a bad number for
someone of her age in our area, though most of
those attending looked to be in their sixties or older. I saw only one
child in the service.
I felt sad that she had to die the way she
did, and that there weren’t even more people at her memorial service.
Not long after that, I attended another funeral, that of one of uncles, Tobe Yoder, also in his 80’s. It was held at the Beachy
Amish Church near Stuarts Draft where I was once a member before I went to Harrisonburg to go to college at 21.
What impressed me was what Tobe's funeral said about the strength of that group’s community
life. It was held on a weekday morning, but not only were my
uncle’s relatives there in large numbers, but practically every other
member of his congregation, including children of all ages. Their
church run school was closed for the day.
And this wasn’t because he was
some kind of exceptional person. He never held important leadership positions in his church, and was just a quiet, committed member
of the congregational family he loved and served all his life.
A choir of some
40 people made up of his sons- and daughters-in-law and of his
grandchildren sang some of his favorite numbers at his funeral, and the
youth group of his church, some thirty strong, sang at the graveside, as
his friends and family members took turns solemnly covering the grave.
I thought to myself, “What a way to die,” “What a rich man,” not rich
monetarily, but in relationships, having investing in his family and his
church family all of his life.
And the payoff was great. His six
children, my cousins, have all turned out amazingly well, and each have
healthy, sturdy families of their own. And his family, like ours,
were powerfully influenced, and raised, not just by their parents, but by
that larger faith community of people who were our people, who became
our mentors, who met not just for Sunday morning services, but for
Sunday dinners, for picnics, for Sunday evening singings. We worked and enjoyed good meals with each other at
harvest times and at “frolics,” the name we used for any kind of building
projects, barn or house raisings and other projects fellow members could get together for.
Funerals, like those of my uncle, were just one more way opportunity to show each other we cared, and to celebrate our common life by showing up when one of our number passed on.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Tuesday’s meeting on Jail Concerns
At our local jail, the use of a restraint chair involves an inmate being strapped and kept in an upright position, sometimes for hours, without access to mental health treatment or other normal human interaction.
The padded isolation room, unlike a regular solitary confinement cell, has no cot or mattress and no sink or commode, only a hole in the floor to be used for a toilet. Before being placed in the cell, the person is stripped and given only a paper gown to wear. No reading or writing material is provided, and human contact is limited to jail personnel monitoring the cell and bringing in food (with no utensils, for safety reasons) and some strips of toilet paper when requested.
Someone from the Community Services Board may be called in for assessment, but actual counseling help is normally not available.
Fifteen concerned citizens met at the Family Life Resource Center today as a follow-up to the March 6 forum held at the Massanutten Regional Library to discuss concerns about the above use of restraint chair and padded isolation chair for suicidally depressed inmates in our local jail.
Some helpful things we learned today:
Two representatives of the Harrisonburg-Rockingham Regional Jail reported that our local facility remains seriously overcrowded, currently housing 343 inmates when it was originally designed for 208. Inmates are double bunked, some have mattresses on the floor and an additional 40 are at the Middle River facility. All of this adds stress to inmates and jail personnel alike.
Most of the people who are placed in the restraint chair or in the padded isolation padded cell are incorrigible due to their being highly intoxicated or on drugs (such as bath salts), not because they are at risk for suicide. The group saw the use of restraints as understandable in some such cases but interest was expressed in getting more data on the nature and number of non-substance abuse cases that represent a risk for suicide, and what alternatives there are for their treatment. Records are kept on this and should be available.
There is no actual state regulation forbidding an outside professional (a suicidal inmate’s therapist, for example, where he or she already has one) being brought in to meet with a highly distressed individual, but safety and security concerns are cited as reasons for the jail not permitting this. There seemed to be a consensus in today’s group on having the on-call CSB clinician or whoever on the jail medical staff is doing a risk assessment to exercise the option of at least making a phone call to such a therapist.
The Community Services Board has a contract with the local jail to provide a minimum of necessary mental health services. The director of the CSB kindly expressed his willingness to get more information together on their work which he will discuss first with me and then perhaps also be willing to meet with a representative group of concerned citizens about ways of improving the mental health services they provide.
I was impressed by the level of interest expressed by everyone present, though questions were raised about whether too many concerns for not having trained outside volunteers hurt may get in the way of having more inmates helped. The group recognized the need to balance these concerns.
Another item of interest:
Sam Nickels, who could not be present today, recently returned from a three week trip looking at mental health systems in Central America, and said that hospital personnel he spoke with in Panama said they have a restraint chair, but that it is seldom used, and that the isolation room "went out years ago." In an email to me he suggested, “If Panama can do this, I think we can do it here. At a minimum we should have a protocol that states that if an inmate must be restrained for more than three hours (or whatever time period) in the chair, they must be transferred to the crisis/forensic unit of the state hospital, perhaps after consultation with the on call CSB assessment person.”
Attendees were invited to sign up to pursue one or more of the following:
1. Investigate practices at other jails and prisons regarding the use of restraint chairs and isolated padded cells (State prisons no longer use the isolated padded cell, and the forensic unit at Western State Hospital uses bed restraints and/or one-on-one monitoring).
2. Consider ways of collaborating with our local Community Services Board in working to improve the treatment of mentally ill and suicidally depressed inmates in our jail.
3. Meet with Sheriff Hutcheson for an inside look at our local facility and to gather more information about actual practices and conditions at HRRJ.
4. Gather information and suggestions from ex-inmates and from concerned family members of mentally ill inmates about how to improve services.
I am also suggesting that each of us express our opinions and concerns directly to our newly-elected sheriff, Bryan Hutcheson, at bhutcheson@rockinghamcountyva.gov. He has been most open to hearing from his constituents.
A message of concern might go something like:
I sincerely hope that under your leadership the Harrisonburg Rockingham Regional Jail would end its use of the solitary padded cell for mentally ill and suicidally depressed inmates, and that in its place there could be one-on-one monitoring of such persons, utilizing, if necessary, volunteers trained by the Community Services Board or a similar agency.
The padded isolation room, unlike a regular solitary confinement cell, has no cot or mattress and no sink or commode, only a hole in the floor to be used for a toilet. Before being placed in the cell, the person is stripped and given only a paper gown to wear. No reading or writing material is provided, and human contact is limited to jail personnel monitoring the cell and bringing in food (with no utensils, for safety reasons) and some strips of toilet paper when requested.
Someone from the Community Services Board may be called in for assessment, but actual counseling help is normally not available.
Fifteen concerned citizens met at the Family Life Resource Center today as a follow-up to the March 6 forum held at the Massanutten Regional Library to discuss concerns about the above use of restraint chair and padded isolation chair for suicidally depressed inmates in our local jail.
Some helpful things we learned today:
Two representatives of the Harrisonburg-Rockingham Regional Jail reported that our local facility remains seriously overcrowded, currently housing 343 inmates when it was originally designed for 208. Inmates are double bunked, some have mattresses on the floor and an additional 40 are at the Middle River facility. All of this adds stress to inmates and jail personnel alike.
Most of the people who are placed in the restraint chair or in the padded isolation padded cell are incorrigible due to their being highly intoxicated or on drugs (such as bath salts), not because they are at risk for suicide. The group saw the use of restraints as understandable in some such cases but interest was expressed in getting more data on the nature and number of non-substance abuse cases that represent a risk for suicide, and what alternatives there are for their treatment. Records are kept on this and should be available.
There is no actual state regulation forbidding an outside professional (a suicidal inmate’s therapist, for example, where he or she already has one) being brought in to meet with a highly distressed individual, but safety and security concerns are cited as reasons for the jail not permitting this. There seemed to be a consensus in today’s group on having the on-call CSB clinician or whoever on the jail medical staff is doing a risk assessment to exercise the option of at least making a phone call to such a therapist.
The Community Services Board has a contract with the local jail to provide a minimum of necessary mental health services. The director of the CSB kindly expressed his willingness to get more information together on their work which he will discuss first with me and then perhaps also be willing to meet with a representative group of concerned citizens about ways of improving the mental health services they provide.
I was impressed by the level of interest expressed by everyone present, though questions were raised about whether too many concerns for not having trained outside volunteers hurt may get in the way of having more inmates helped. The group recognized the need to balance these concerns.
Another item of interest:
Sam Nickels, who could not be present today, recently returned from a three week trip looking at mental health systems in Central America, and said that hospital personnel he spoke with in Panama said they have a restraint chair, but that it is seldom used, and that the isolation room "went out years ago." In an email to me he suggested, “If Panama can do this, I think we can do it here. At a minimum we should have a protocol that states that if an inmate must be restrained for more than three hours (or whatever time period) in the chair, they must be transferred to the crisis/forensic unit of the state hospital, perhaps after consultation with the on call CSB assessment person.”
Attendees were invited to sign up to pursue one or more of the following:
1. Investigate practices at other jails and prisons regarding the use of restraint chairs and isolated padded cells (State prisons no longer use the isolated padded cell, and the forensic unit at Western State Hospital uses bed restraints and/or one-on-one monitoring).
2. Consider ways of collaborating with our local Community Services Board in working to improve the treatment of mentally ill and suicidally depressed inmates in our jail.
3. Meet with Sheriff Hutcheson for an inside look at our local facility and to gather more information about actual practices and conditions at HRRJ.
4. Gather information and suggestions from ex-inmates and from concerned family members of mentally ill inmates about how to improve services.
I am also suggesting that each of us express our opinions and concerns directly to our newly-elected sheriff, Bryan Hutcheson, at bhutcheson@rockinghamcountyva.gov. He has been most open to hearing from his constituents.
A message of concern might go something like:
I sincerely hope that under your leadership the Harrisonburg Rockingham Regional Jail would end its use of the solitary padded cell for mentally ill and suicidally depressed inmates, and that in its place there could be one-on-one monitoring of such persons, utilizing, if necessary, volunteers trained by the Community Services Board or a similar agency.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Celebrating 65 Great Years Together
Lloyd and Orpha Gingrich
We just returned this evening from celebrating the 65th anniversary of Alma Jean's oldest sister Orpha (Wert) and her husband, Lloyd Gingrich, at the Lauver's Mennonite Church in Juniata County, Pennsylvania.
What a great time of reminiscing
and remembering! Each of their four sons and three daughters were
present, along with dozens of friends and relatives, including, of
course, their own grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Orpha's
influence as a mother, grandmother, teacher, Sunday School teacher, and
role model, is legendary, as is Lloyd's wry sense of humor
and his keen interest in genealogy and church history.
Our
family always loved visiting the ever hospitable Gingrich home and
farm, and once when we were about to leave, our second oldest son hid in
a bedroom in their home, wanting to stay longer. We all shared those
feelings.
Today their family sang the following Bill Gaither song together that brought tears to my eyes, the chorus of which goes:
We have this moment to hold in our hands,
And to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone, And tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today.
Congratulations, Orpha and Lloyd. May you be blessed with many more good moments and years together!
Thanks to Lloyd Wert for forwarding me the above photos.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
How Our Addiction to Stuff is Destroying the Planet
Before we make our next trip to the mall for more stuff, or surf on Ebay to stock up on even more future landfill material, we should take time to click on this link to a provocative piece on “The Story of Stuff.”
Among the points it makes is that if everyone on the globe were to consume at the rate of most of us North Americans we would need several more planets in order to sustain the rate of consumption--and to absorb the mountains of waste--associated with our shopping habits.
After reflecting on that, I recommend we take time to consider the lyrics of the following piece by singer/songwriter Steve Forbert, the first two stanzas of which appear below. Hopefully by then our shopping urge may have subsided:
Good planets are hard to find,
Temp'rate zones and tropic climes,
True currents in thriving seas,
Winds blowin' through breathing trees,
Strong ozone and safe sunshine,
Good planets are hard to find.
Good planets are in demand,
Clean beaches and sparkling sand,
Land masses with room to spare,
Jet streams and perfect air,
High forests and low wetlands,
Good planets are in demand.
And the mind don't know
If the heart can't see;
Let the blind man go
To his destiny...
Sunday, June 17, 2012
A Father's Untimely Death
On this Father’s Day, I mourn the tragic loss of my grandniece Jessica Miller’s husband Jonathan, father of three young daughters ages five, three and two.
Just over a week ago, without any warning except his having admitted the night before that he was extremely tired, Jonathan died in his sleep at their home in rural Nicaragua, apparently from a severe asthma attack.
Jonathan and Jessica are a part of a church planting effort in Central America, one that was begun by my oldest brother Sanford and his wife Martha in Costa Rica over 40 years ago. Their son Pablo, my nephew and Jessica's father, is the pastor of a congregation in Wasala, Nicaragua, and Jonathan was one of the ordained ministers in a nearby church outreach.
Pastors can to some extent be replaced, but for Jessica and their three young daughters, the sudden loss of Jonathan is almost more than we can bear--or comprehend.
I debated whether to include this intimate picture of Jessica and her daughters (with Pablo, her father, and Jessica's sister Cynthia) with Jonathan’s body. I use it with their permission because it captures some of the heartbreaking reality of their loss, something the family and community face in a way that is different from most in our American culture.
For example, Pablo himself, along with one of the local believers, prepared Jonathan’s body and helped place it in a homemade casket for the all night wake held Saturday night at their home. In keeping with local practice, the body was not embalmed but was buried the next day after a memorial service attended by hundreds of people who came from the surrounding area and from other parts of Central America.
Jessica and her precious daughters need our support and prayers. They will be moving to a house near her parents, Pablo and Eunice Yoder. Here is her address:
Jessica Miller
Apartado Postal 333
Matagalpa, Nicaragua
Friday, June 15, 2012
Raising Better Behaved Parents
When our children behave badly, we assume they are going against everything we’ve ever taught them.
Not always. They may actually be imitating some of our own misbehaviors.
Take “back talk.” Nothing upsets us like children being rude and disrespectful. But they may in fact be using the same kind of discourteous language, copying the same angry tone of voice, they’ve learned all too well from us, their parents.
It’s easy for adults to forget that the Golden Rule, “do to others as you would have them do to you,” applies to people of all ages, including children. Or should we say, especially to children. They have feelings just like us.
This doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t be firm or should tolerate rudeness or other forms of obvious inappropriate behavior. But if in correcting them, we practice the very wrongs we’re trying to correct, how can we expect that to bring about the change we want? Do we really believe we can teach respect, disrespectfully? Or teach patience, impatiently? Or kindness, unkindly?
It doesn’t work. Or it may work too well--in teaching exactly the opposite qualities we think we’re instilling in our children’s lives.
One simple fact to remember is this. Whenever there’s a contradiction between the good traits we’re trying to teach and the bad tone or manners we use in teaching them, it will always be the latter that has the greater impact. The way we say things is more powerful than the words we say.
Chances are, if we have a habit of talking to our children in ways we would not tolerate from them, it’s because we don’t feel as confident and calm as we deserve to as parents. The more emotionally exhausted and powerless we feel, the louder (and ruder) we are likely to become, the more desperately we behave. In other words, we misbehave, a lot like our children do.
Here's a good word: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of self control” (I Timothy 1:7). There are no better qualities than these to pass on to our children--courage, confidence, compassion, self discipline.
And like most other good traits, they are caught as much as taught.
Not always. They may actually be imitating some of our own misbehaviors.
Take “back talk.” Nothing upsets us like children being rude and disrespectful. But they may in fact be using the same kind of discourteous language, copying the same angry tone of voice, they’ve learned all too well from us, their parents.
It’s easy for adults to forget that the Golden Rule, “do to others as you would have them do to you,” applies to people of all ages, including children. Or should we say, especially to children. They have feelings just like us.
This doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t be firm or should tolerate rudeness or other forms of obvious inappropriate behavior. But if in correcting them, we practice the very wrongs we’re trying to correct, how can we expect that to bring about the change we want? Do we really believe we can teach respect, disrespectfully? Or teach patience, impatiently? Or kindness, unkindly?
It doesn’t work. Or it may work too well--in teaching exactly the opposite qualities we think we’re instilling in our children’s lives.
One simple fact to remember is this. Whenever there’s a contradiction between the good traits we’re trying to teach and the bad tone or manners we use in teaching them, it will always be the latter that has the greater impact. The way we say things is more powerful than the words we say.
Chances are, if we have a habit of talking to our children in ways we would not tolerate from them, it’s because we don’t feel as confident and calm as we deserve to as parents. The more emotionally exhausted and powerless we feel, the louder (and ruder) we are likely to become, the more desperately we behave. In other words, we misbehave, a lot like our children do.
Here's a good word: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of self control” (I Timothy 1:7). There are no better qualities than these to pass on to our children--courage, confidence, compassion, self discipline.
And like most other good traits, they are caught as much as taught.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Free Wedding Day
Mike McManus of Marriage.org, with whom we have worked in creating the local Community Marriage Policy (signed by some 50 churches in the area), sent me an email with an interesting idea.
He reports that Pastor Craig Gore, with the support of his congregation, the Cedar Park Assembly in Seattle, Washington, is offering an annual Free Wedding Day. Last year three couples accepted, and were married on the same day in June, 2011, and the church has set the next event for this Saturday, June 16.
The program came about through Pastor Gore's concern that some people are not getting married because they don't feel they can afford a traditional church wedding and ceremony. So Cedar Park Assembly offers the following services free:
Pre-marriage counseling (four sessions of which are required)
A minister to perform the ceremony
A music and sound engineer
A floral package that includes bouquets and boutonnieres for the bride, groom, one bridesmaid, a groomsmen, a flower girl and a ring bearer
A free 15 photo package
It does not include the cost of a reception, and additional flower or photo options are available if desired.
With an estimated 7.6 million couples cohabiting in 2011, couples Pastor Gore believes are at great risk for going through a form of premarital divorce, he and his church would like to help persons in undocumented, premarital marriages to get whatever help they need to establish relationships with stronger bonds and a greater sense of support.
He reports that Pastor Craig Gore, with the support of his congregation, the Cedar Park Assembly in Seattle, Washington, is offering an annual Free Wedding Day. Last year three couples accepted, and were married on the same day in June, 2011, and the church has set the next event for this Saturday, June 16.
The program came about through Pastor Gore's concern that some people are not getting married because they don't feel they can afford a traditional church wedding and ceremony. So Cedar Park Assembly offers the following services free:
Pre-marriage counseling (four sessions of which are required)
A minister to perform the ceremony
A music and sound engineer
A floral package that includes bouquets and boutonnieres for the bride, groom, one bridesmaid, a groomsmen, a flower girl and a ring bearer
A free 15 photo package
It does not include the cost of a reception, and additional flower or photo options are available if desired.
With an estimated 7.6 million couples cohabiting in 2011, couples Pastor Gore believes are at great risk for going through a form of premarital divorce, he and his church would like to help persons in undocumented, premarital marriages to get whatever help they need to establish relationships with stronger bonds and a greater sense of support.
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