We Need To Raise Leaders, Not Just Followers

The word discipline comes from the word
disciple, suggesting a teacher/learner
relationship, not a dictator/subject one.

"As long as you're in my house, you do as I say. Period."

Have you ever heard words like that from a parent or even spoken them to your own children? 

If we parents, teachers and other leaders focus primarily on keeping our charges in line and under control we are likely to create followers instead of leaders, mere subjects rather than engaged citizens. Compliance to rules is a good thing, of course, but the task of parents and caregivers is also to "raise" their children, and to "bring them up" to take their place along side other responsible adults in their families, work places and communities.

In other words, our goal, in the words of authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, is not just to "talk so our children will listen," but also to "listen so our children will talk."

Children need to know that any opinions and suggestions they offer in respectful and reasonable way will always be taken seriously. One way to  encourage this is by having regular family meetings in which children take an active part. This is not so children have more of their own way, but simply to encourage them to have their say as valued members of the family. This is important preparation for their becoming effective and positive leaders as adults.

Not all issues are negotiable, of course, but with those that are, like decisions about chores, updating and reinforcing family rules, or planning family vacations and fun times, are great ways to teach cooperation and collaboration. And by deciding things by consensus (e.g. with all needing to be in agreement) parents can respectfully veto any unsafe, unreasonable, or unaffordable changes in the family's rules or policies. 

Children and teens who are denied opportunities to express themselves and be heard tend to grow up feeling powerless and resentful, and are all too likely to become followers of strong armed despots who promise to take on their perceived enemies. 

Congregational families also need to encourage members young and old to participate fully in the ministry and mission of their faith community, and not just elevate clergy and other selected individuals to special levels of status and responsibility. In addition, schools need to encourage and affirm all students for their achievements and leadership, and not offer affirmations and awards primarily to those on the academic honor rolls and on varsity athletic teams. Work places also benefit from actively eliciting ideas from employees for improved safety, productivity and morale.

And what could our detention centers, jails and prisons do to help encourage good citizenship?

The Virginia Department of Corrections has as its mission statement, "We are in the business of helping people to be better by safely providing effective incarceration, supervision, and evidence-based re-entry services to inmates and supervisees." Its vision statement is about being "A premier correctional organization where all individuals achieve their full potential." Then there are eight words that represent the DOC's values statement, the first of which is citizenship, followed by commitment, communication, ethics, honesty, learning, safety and support.

Having "citizenship" as its first value seems ironic in light of prisons being places where men and women are rendered powerless in almost every aspect of their lives. Even after supposedly having been "corrected" and released, felons do not automatically have their voting and other citizenship rights restored, in spite of their having served their time and "paid their debt to society."

Starting at home, we all need to do whatever possible to empower people to be leaders, not just followers.