Beware Of False Dichotomies

In our attempts to arrive at right answers, we often ask the
wrong questions. Here are just a few examples:

1. Which is more important, one's work or one's marriage? It's not unusual for spouses to complain about partners caring more about their work than about the relationship, given factors like the sheer number of hours devoted to their jobs. So there can of course be a valid basis for some complaint, but it can also be an example of a false choice, in that both work and marriage are of vital importance. To work hard and to work well is essential to both one's wellbeing and to that of the community, and the income generated and life satisfaction gained can help enrich and sustain one's marriage and provide a good example to our children of how to invest appropriate time and give adequate attention to each.

2. Which should come first, our family or our congregation? In rearing our own three children, we found ourselves forever indebted to the good church people who invited our family into their hearts and homes, took an interest in our children and made a positive impact on us all. We could not have done it without them. In short, we came to realize that it does take a whole village, or a whole congregation to help sustain a good marriage and raise a whole and healthy family. So this is another example of what should not be an either-or question, or a "which is more important" question.

3. Which should have priority, preserving the lives of the unborn or of the already born? Most of us are both pro-life and pro-peace at some level. When it comes to the former, no "pro choice" people I know would ever support infanticide as a means of population control, most are appalled at the idea of partial birth abortions, and many believe a mother’s womb should be a safe place where life is protected and treated with respect at all stages of development. And when it comes to the already born, few would favor stoning as an acceptable sentence for a crime, encourage duels as a way of settling disputes, or condone having SWAT teams bomb whole neighborhoods to rid them of crime. Where people most often differ is in just how they demonstrate their desire for peace and their respect for human life.

The list could go on and on, as in, Should we advocate for stricter gun laws or support the Second Amendment? Should we focus on helping people with their spiritual needs or their physical needs? Should we seek change through legislation or through bringing about individual changes in people's hearts and behaviors?

These may all be examples of asking the wrong questions, or of framing them in an unhelpful way.