Relationships Need A Periodic Flush Of Stored Up Hurts And Grievances

Complete forgiveness is based on true repentance.

When couples "fall out of love" it's often due to an accumulation of grievances that have gotten in the way of celebrating the love they once had. Unforgiven and unresolved offenses can build up over time and become a part of a growing mound of misery they can no longer find a way around.

Such relationships may need some serious forgiveness sessions, in which each partner expresses sincere remorse for past wrongs, and without any rationalizations or defensiveness asks for reconciliation and forgiveness. The other partner, if willing and ready to do so, then expresses complete forgiveness, but only if and when he or she is willing to commit to never bringing up that grievance again. Any superficial confession of wrongs on the offender's part, and any unwillingness to truly declare the slate clean on the part of the person harmed, can become a kind of cheap grace that results in a superficial, pseudo-healing of the relationship.

Once having cleared the slate in a forgiveness ritual, couples need to commit to keeping short accounts going forward, dealing with any current offenses as soon as possible after they occur rather adding them to their grievance pile. In fact, if true repentance and forgiveness have occurred, that pile no longer exists.

True forgiveness goes far beyond a mere "Let's pretend this never happened." It is not a unilateral blank check declaring everything is all right when it isn't. On the offender's part, thorough-going repentance must be accompanied by a willingness to do whatever necessary to help make restitution and to commit to never repeating the same offense. On the part of the one granting forgiveness, it means a commitment to never bringing up that offense again.

When the slate is truly cleared, love can grow again.

For more on true forgiveness: 
https://harvyoder.blogspot.com/2011/01/should-we-ever-not-forgive.html