Saturday, November 19, 2011

Of Marriages and Weddings

Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio, an Episcopal priest and certified life coach, in commenting on recent headlines over the infamously expensive and short-lived marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, observes that even most non-celebrity couples invest a lot more in flowers and entertainment for the reception than they do in careful plans for how to make their marriage last.

The wedding day should be about the marriage, she says, not the marriage about the wedding.

The cost of weddings, Tumminio observes, has dramatically increased over the past decades, largely because we Americans are so much in love with the romanticism and the magic of the day. Having some 5 million people tune in to see the Kardashian-Humphries wedding on television also says a lot about our fascination with fairy tale fantasies that have almost nothing to do with contributing to happily ever after.  

Perhaps, the really big party should be celebrated at a 25th anniversary, she notes, rather than at the moment of commitment. So with tongue in cheek, she proposes that couples receive wedding gifts only after they have earned them by enduring tough problems over time. So no gifts at the wedding, some small ones for a first year anniversary, then more substantial ones after the fifth-year or so.

We're tempted to scoff at Kris and Kim’s downfall, but the reality is that their marriage failed at least in part because of our society’s views of nuptial bliss, Tumminio believes. We should all feel responsible to do a better job of loving our neighbors not just on their wedding day but on all the days that follow.

(Here's the link to check out my book on the subject:
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