How A 'CPR' Journal Could Save Your Marriage

Sections for Compliments, Problems and Reminders.

For some time I've been encouraging couples  to keep a "CPR Book" as a way of enhancing their communication and improving their problem-solving. This can be any ordinary composition book they keep in some accessible place and use as follows:

The first part of the book is dedicated solely to compliments, the "C" in CPR. In the case of Jane and John Doe, the one side is for Jane to write words of appreciation or praise for John, and the other for John to compliment Jane. Each is encouraged to make frequently entries on their side of the ledger, whenever they think of or notice something they feel is praiseworthy.

The second section of the book is for problems, the "P" in CPR. Here either can enter whatever concern they wish on their side of the open book, something they'd like to see addressed and improved. Having these issues of concern noted on paper before engaging in a conversation or an argument gives the other partner an opportunity to think things over, and maybe even write something non-defensive about it. Thus the posted issues are being appropriately "filed" as agenda for their next "couples meeting" where they then select one or more problem solving topic to work on or at least discuss for clarification and for more work at a later meeting. 

The third part of the book is for respectful reminders, the "R" in CPR, and is meant to take the place of frequent nagging or complaining. These can be about anything either feels has already been agreed on but doesn't appear to be happening. Reminders can also become a part of a couple's agenda, as secondary problems about implementing decisions already in place. One outcome may be set time limits and/or to agree on some kinds of reinforcement needed to help each fulfill their promises.

Some couples who have tried doing this kind of CPR, along with having regular "couple's meetings" for the purpose of dealing with their problems, report that they have been able to reduce their random and unproductive arguments by half.

Of course, getting some help from a pastor or counselor to accomplish all this might also be a good idea.