I Did My Own Research: Here's What I Learned (Satire Alert)

"Don’t be fooled by the 'fake news' in the mainstream media. 

Do your own research if you really want to know the truth.” 

-Abraham Lincoln, as quoted by Pope Leo XIV       

With tongue firmly in cheek, here is the information I've gained from doing my own online research:

1. The earth is flat after all, not a round ball floating in space like I was taught in school. 

https://www.theflatearthsociety.org/home/index.php/blog/einsteins-relativity-proves-earth-flat

2. The Democratic party is mainly catering to "Hamas terrorists, illegal aliens and violent criminals." This comes straight from the President's press secretary, a high-level source.

3. Childhood vaccinations have caused an untold number of deaths, and pregnant women using Tylenol are to blame for a dramatic increase in children with autism. I got this vital information from our nation's Health and Human Services Secretary.

4. Slavery was as much of a blessing as it was an injustice for African Americans, and slavery had little to do with the American Civil War. The Confederacy was only formed to preserve states' rights and to defend the Constitution.

5. Donald Trump clearly got the most votes in the 2020 election, and Biden became president only because of massive voter fraud.

6. The January 6 uprising was largely a peaceful event except for some Antifa and other bad actors who infiltrated the crowd. 

7. Large numbers of those involved in the most recent No Kings Day demonstrations were agitators paid to take part by wealthy people like George Soros and by others who hate America.

8. Most of the political violence in the US in the past decade has been by people on the fringe left who are out to destroy our country.

9. President Biden supported the most massive surge in human sex trafficking in history, and the Clintons operated a child sex ring in a pizza establishment in the District of Columbia for decades. 

10. Climate scientists from all over the world, unlike researchers in other scientific fields, are being bought off by solar and wind power industries to persuade us that global warming is dangerous and is caused by our increased reliance on fossil fuel.

But don't just take my word for any of the above. If you research hard enough you can find all these alternative facts verified on line.