Competing With Porn

Human beings come in a wonderful variety
 of shapes and forms, each incomparably
beautiful.

“We can’t possibly make ourselves as appealing as all the voluptuous images our men have access to,” is a lament I often hear from women whose partners have become hooked on pornography. 

They have a point. Real women seldom resemble the surgically altered nymphomaniacs portrayed on screen, always young and alluring and always instantly available.

And speaking of available, when I was growing up there were some 1000 US theaters nationwide featuring X-rated movies. Most were in undesirable sections of town, and to go inside was to risk one's good reputation. 

Today there are literally millions of such “theaters” in the  form of personal computers and smart phones available everywhere, each with an instantly available array of X-rated fare. As a result, the number of men (and some women) addicted to it has multiplied, with large numbers of ever younger adolescents now hooked on this material. 

That’s the bad news--and it's far worse than bad. We may never fully know the devastating effects of this plague on the stability and durability of long term relationships and on the wellbeing of families.

Is there any good news in the picture?

Yes, starting with one simple truth everyone needs to hear loud and clear: All of this X-rated hype is fake. In real life, the characters portrayed aren’t any more interested in sex than the rest of us, just greedy for the big bucks they can make--or the attention they can get--pretending to be. 

In the end, pornography is all about using deception for the sake of obscene profits. In reality, it is to good, satisfying lovemaking somewhat like WWE wrestling is to an Olympic event. If we’re looking for fantasy, we can find plenty of it here to fix our eyes on and to fire up our imaginations. But in the end, the actors and actresses involved are as pathetic and needy as are the consumers of their shabby products.

Unfortunately, a lot of addicted men, infantile in their need for this kind of virtual fix, have lost their ability to appreciate the difference. According to feminist author Naomi Wolfe, a disturbing number of them have come to expect their wives or partners to look and perform like porn stars. “Real women,” she says, “who come in a wide variety of body styles, and who aren’t downloadable and then deletable at will, and who aren’t dying to have instant sex with whatever male body may be at hand, are seen as just not being exciting enough to satisfy today’s pornographized expectations.” Wolfe adds that today “sex, like the fast food industry, is about everything being super packaged and super sized, where the more appetites are stimulated by poor-quality material, the more junk it takes to satisfy.”

But if we prefer truly satisfying and lasting bonds, real men and women like you and me can outperform the competition hands down. With God’s help, we can affirm things like “I love you,” and “I’ll always be there for you,” and really mean it. We can actually keep sacred promises like “in sickness and in health,” and “until death do us part.” We can offer reassuring touch and warm hugs to the love of our life, and receive the same. We can form a lifelong relationship and help create a loving family that can bless the world.

That’s real, unlike anything the dark and fake world of porn can offer. And in the context of a committed and blessed wedded life, we can celebrate times of ecstasy and intimacy far superior to anything offered on screen--with pure delight and no regrets.

That’s priceless.