In Mending Relationships, Put Acceptance First

A rule to live and love by: Be accepting in dealing with people, but assertive in dealing with problems.    

There are many conditions for living in relationships that require serious negotiation, but there should be no conditions for loving. This means that accepting others as persons of incomparable value needs to be our starting point in repairing relationships, not something withheld until some end point when all of the problems between us have been resolved.

Here is a handout I often give to couples in marital counseling but which applies to all relationships:

ACCEPTANCE COMES FIRST

1. There is no other and no better place to begin in restoring and healing our relationship than where we are right now.

We will not remain stuck where we are, but we will begin from where we are.

We accept where we are as a good starting place.

2. There are no other or better persons to work with in this process than you and me, with our unique mix of human weaknesses and special strengths.

We are not perfect, but we are each lovable, respectable and precious human beings 

who are capable of growth and change.

We accept who we are as individuals who can make this happen.

3. There is no other or better time to begin this work than right now.

The possibilities for our future are limitless. 

The problems in our past are important only as experiences we can learn and grow from.

We accept the challenge to invest our faith and our energy into working at shalom in our relationship every day.