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Monday, September 16, 2013

Seven Habits of Effective Conflict-Managing Congregations

Williamsburg Retreat Center
I was blessed with the opportunity to lead a congregational retreat with members of Richmond's First Mennonite Church this past weekend on the theme of "Unity and Spirituality." Together we reflected on  some of the following good "habits" of congregations that are able to embrace conflict as normal and as actually offering potential for growth:

1. They Celebrate a Healthy Sense of Personal and Congregational Empowerment (I Corinthians 1:1-9, 18-31, 2:1-16)
Each member is encouraged to grow in personal power and gifting. 
How do we effectively experience and use "power" in our church?

2. They Recognize Differences as Normal, but Rule Out Divisiveness as Unacceptable (I Corinthians 1:10-17, 3:1-20)
Unity in diversity is seen as both possible and desirable.   
What makes church families such fertile settings for divisions and conflicts?

3. They Celebrate a Sense of Spiritual and Emotional Abundance Rather Than Scarcity (I Corinthians 3:21-4:1-21)
Members receive plenty of recognition, validation and respect (feel valued), and feel able to influence outcomes (feel they have a say). Thus there is less need for getting back or for retaliating in anger and frustration--or for withdrawing, giving up or retreating in hurt and helplessness.
What happens when people feel their basic needs for love and influence aren’t being met?

4. They Are Capable of Repairing Relationships With Troubled Members (I Corinthians 5-6)

Problems are seen as normal and as opportunities for the congregation to responsibly and redemptively engage each other when they occur.
How can we learn to more effectively address our problems rather than either attacking (or simply avoiding) each other?


5. They Balance Concerns for Individual Freedom With Support for the Community’s Basic Values and Beliefs (I Corinthians 7-12)

Those with a more robust conscience on disputable matters show respect and regard for those with more sensitive consciences.
What are some of the debatable matters facing our congregation?
 
  
6. They Demonstrate A High Level of Respect, Patience and Care for Each Other Other (I Corinthians 13)

Believers demonstrate a commitment to carrying out God’s will, but always in God’s way, in the spirit of Christ-like, agape love. They keep their respect for others high, their expectations moderate, and their anxiety low.
How can we foster growth toward this level of maturity?


7. They Practice Orderliness and Respectful Listening in Their Church Gatherings (I Corinthians 14?)

They don’t come to church meetings with closed minds, but with the commitment to carefully listen and learn from others, encouraging the free expression of everyone’s gifts and insights. After listening well, they discuss and discern the Spirit’s leading in reaching needed consensus, persevering at this for as long as it takes.
Is following “Robert’s Rules of Order” always the best way to do church business?


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Check this link for more posts on church unity, including the September 12, 2012, piece on 1) why "conservatives" and "liberals" need each other, 2) how congregations can benefit by hearing from both, and 3) how each of us is decidedly "liberal" on some issues and definitely "conservative" on others.
 

2 comments:

Harold said...

Again, Harvey, you bring wise, warm, healing words. The congregation at Richmond was blessed as you led their retreat. Your Seven Habits are very important for any group facing conflict. Let me push out something further, though.

Our denominational assembly this summer looked at our Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love statement for the purpose of updating it. And also looked at a Guidelines for Biblical/Communal Discernment statement.

Your Seven Habits seem to focus mainly on themes similar to Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love. I'm wondering if there was also some focus during the retreat on the Biblical/Communal Discernment process? Was there acknowledgement that sometimes a congregation needs to seek to discern God’s will on an issue of moral and ethical behavior or a specific practical decision in the life of the group (ie, discerning and speaking the truth in love)?

The update to the Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love statement included a new paragraph in the cautions section saying that the statement was not intended primarily for giving "instructions for groups pursuing God’s will in matters of church practice or theology. For such purposes, it is recommended that groups seek additional guidance in processes of Biblical/communal discernment."

I'm not suggesting that you needed to focus on the Biblical/communal discernment process at the retreat. There is never time for a speaker to cover everything! And to a community threatened with division, your message of unity and respect and celebration is timely and necessary. I would just be interested in your take on all this.

The two documents are online at
http://www.mennoniteusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/AgreeingAndDisagreeingInLove.pdf
http://www.mennoniteusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Guidelines_for_Biblical-Communal_Discernment.pdf

harvspot said...

Thanks, Harold, for your thoughtful and helpful response. My outline (#4) does cover the section of the Corinthian letter that has to do with disciplining of members who violate the norms of the community, cases where we must engage and confront, and if necessary disengage, when all efforts to restore a member who will not hear and respond to the appeals of the church fail. In those cases we need to sadly recognize a change in that person's relationship with us from that of the brother/sister insider to the loved and sought after outsider, a prime candidate for re-evangelism. My point is that this should be a caring process with individuals involved rather than the splitting up, splintering off or writing off of entire groups of people. Surely some other Christian churches of the day could have felt they should withdraw from fellowship with the entire Corinthian house church as a group, given how immature and problem ridden they were, but thanks be to God, that wasn't the approach taken. Paul insisted there was only one foundation, Jesus Christ himself, on which the church is built, and to be built on him means being connected with every other part of the "temple" that comprises his people.