Listening To Men

"Masculine and Mennonite--Ministering to Men in our Congregations” was the title of a workshop I led at a Virginia Conference Assembly many years ago. Since I had never led a seminar of its kind before, I wasn't sure what kind of response to expect.

Over thirty people attended, and my first surprise was that a third of them were women. 

I was also intrigued by the following:

1. Many men see society's perceptions of them as almost entirely negative.

My first question to the group was, “What are some of the common images people have of men today?” The first eight characteristics mentioned (all by men) were macho, competitive, holding and controlling power, non-feeling, abusive, non-communicative, sex-crazed, and wimpy, hardly the kind of qualities you'd want in persons you want to spend a lot of time with. Only after I noted how negative these descriptions were did we get several positive words, like strong, providing leadership, and hard-working. At least one of these was offered by a woman.

2. Men feel badly about their negative stereotypes, but are at a loss to know how to change them.

Like others I’ve had conversations with, the men in the workshop seemed hesitant to complain for fear of being misunderstood. Most agreed men deserved some of the negative stereotypes they're labeled with, so didn’t want to appear defensive, or as men who just “don’t get it.” They believe they are “getting it,” or are at least trying to. Some feel battered by the charges brought against them, feel blamed for crimes they don’t believe they personally commit, for macho attitudes they feel they no longer have, and for situations they are at a loss to know how to change.

3. Most men do not see women in general, or feminists in particular, as their enemy.

Most men really like women, need women, often seek them out when they need a good friend to talk to. Most in my group seemed totally willing to relate to women as equals, to seek a truce in the war between the sexes. Rather than coming through as adversarial or antagonistic in the face of feminist anger, they leaned more toward feeling vaguely guilty and confused. There were no obvious machismo types in this group, none who spoke out for holding on to patriarchal gender roles. Many saw feminist perspectives as a helpful and necessary corrective, an important first word about what men need to work at, if not necessarily the last word.

4. Many men feel intimidated in expressing what they are thinking and feeling in the presence of women.

After the session, a number of men admitted to me that they felt uncomfortable expressing what they really felt with women being a part of the group, and wished privately they could have had the entire hour to themselves. In the workshop, they were unanimous in agreeing they feel anything but “powerful” in the presence of women, and that in fact women held certain forms of psychological power over them they found hard to define and equally hard to stand up to. Some, not wanting to be defensive, were either cautious with their comments or chose to remain silent.

5. Men are relieved to hear that they are not irredeemably bad people, and that there is more than one side to the debate over male and female power.

One point well received in the workshop was that while men may have clearly benefitted more than women from living in male dominated societies, centuries-old systems of matriarchy/patriarchy have resulted in both benefits and hardships for both sexes. Examples given of the high price men have paid for their favored status were a) their life expectancy having become, on average, seven years shorter (though there was considerable debate as to what, if anything, this said about quality of life), b) traditionally male-held jobs being generally more hazardous and less desirable, c) men having more demands on their incomes than women, but actually doing less of the consumer spending, and d) men being psychologically and legally coerced into being “cannon fodder” for their nations' wars. Many had never even considered the down side of many of these “male privileges,” or thought about how men's tendencies to suppress their feelings about these or other stressors may be harming them.

6. Men feel a need for more conversations with other men--as well as with women--that will  help improve relationships between the genders.

“An hour is much too short,” “We need to do this again,” and “This was just enough to get started,” were among the comments made at the end of the workshop. If there was consensus on little else, everyone agreed that much remained to be done to bridge the gap between the sexes, and that men, as well as women, must summons the courage needed to express themselves honestly, respectfully, and empathically to each other.  

Spending A Night With My 87-Year-Old Sister

With my remaining sisters Maggie (my right) and Fannie Mae
 (my left) in January 2018.

"I don't want to be treated like a baby," my oldest living sister repeatedly reminded me as I spent a night looking after her last week, "but thanks anyway for 'baby-sitting' me!"

Fannie Mae, single and independent all her adult life, has until recent years not only been totally capable of taking care of herself, but as a registered nurse and a midwife who's served in far off places like Belize and Paraguay, has devoted her entire life taking care of others. She also devoted herself to the love and care of an adopted autistic child, my niece Nina, abandoned as an infant in Paraguay.  So having others doing things for her like parceling out her medications is hard for her, to say the least.

Spending a night with my aging sister some 45-minutes away reminded me again that if we live long enough, most of us will get to that same place when our roles are reversed. We will once again, as when we were young, need others to care for us when we experience aches and pains and suffer from illnesses.

My sister, with a heart condition and considerable arthritic pain, is blessed by being able to live in an apartment with only a garage separating her from two of her adult nieces, Barbara Ann and Sharon Schrock. These wonderful women share the other part of the duplex with their 91-year-old father Alvin, husband of their late mother and my sister Lucy. Each of the nieces has part time work of their own and yet are dedicated caregivers for whom we can never be grateful enough.

In my own experience of aging, I increasingly wonder just how Alma Jean and I will navigate the next chapter of our own life journey. I hope we can look back on a life as well lived as that of my sister Fannie Mae, and experience some of the same kinds of care from our loved ones when we come to our journey's end.

Meyer, Mennonites And The Prosperity Gospel

The Joyce Meyer compound includes a large mansion for
herself and her family.

“I'm glad for what I learned about prosperity, but it got out of balance. I'm glad for what I've learned about faith, but it got out of balance.” 
- televangelist Joyce Meyer, in a recent Instagram post.

Well known Bible teacher Joyce Meyer appears to be tempering the kind of "prosperity gospel" she and many of her TV preacher and megachurch pastor counterparts have promoted, one that promises personal wealth as a reward for generous giving. Yet Meyer undoubtedly sees her massive personal prosperity as a direct result of her faith in God.

And according to allchristiannews.com God has been very generous to Joyce and her husband Dave, who together earn a salary of well over a million a year. They have been blessed with not jut one, but with five different luxurious homes, and in 2003 she was able to pay a whopping $10 million for a private jet. And yet the ministry pays no property taxes, apparently another miraculous gift, according to this source.

Few Mennonites I know subscribe to a theology that suggests we will become personally wealthy if we are faithful to God, or if we contribute generously to the church and to causes like that of Joyce Meyer Ministries.

Yet we may still find ourselves mostly agreeing with the following:

1. If we enjoy more prosperity than others, its all because God has blessed us in special ways.

2. Our possessions and our investments and bank accounts are fundamentally ours to use and enjoy, assuming we give generously and tithe faithfully.

3. If we earn our wealth honestly, either through profitable businesses or high paying professions (and give generously), we are entitled to enjoy the higher standard of living that goes with that level of prosperity.

4. God chooses to prosper people in some privileged parts of the world far more than in the majority of poorer nations.

5. None of us can be expected to give in a way that actually makes us poorer, but we each have the right--and even the responsibility--to accumulate more personal wealth each year of our working life.

Whenever Mennonites have become financially prosperous they have suffered from a decline in numbers and/or even worse consequences. Witness the experience of Dutch Anabaptists and later Mennonites in Russia and the Ukraine.

Sadly, what we fail to learn from Jesus and the prophets we may be destined to learn from history.

Here's a link to more on this subject:
https://harvyoder.blogspot.com/2011/11/christmas-economics-how-both-pentateuch.html

Byler Nails It In Today's DNR Open Forum

 A longer version of this piece appeared in 
the January 2 Richmond Times-Dispatch.

J. Daryl Byler is executive director of the Center for Justice and Peacebuilding at EMU.

When my family lived in Mississippi, we hosted several inmates as part of a Prison Fellowship program designed to prepare prisoners to transition back to their communities.

During these two-week homestays, the prisoners focused on giving back — working with Habitat for Humanity and speaking in schools, for example. I was surprised by how many of the soon-to-be released inmates were eager to encourage young students not to make the same mistakes that had landed them in prison.

Indeed, formerly incarcerated persons who have learned hard lessons are potentially some of the most effective mentors for youth. We could do more to benefit from their life experiences.

Congress recently approved a criminal justice reform bill that will reduce the sentences for many nonviolent offenders and cut recidivism rates by reducing the barriers prisoners face in rejoining their communities in productive ways.

But the “First Step Act” applies only to the small sliver of persons (about 180,000) incarcerated in the U.S. federal system. Nearly two million more are incarcerated in state prisons and local jails.

Virginia lawmakers have the opportunity to act creatively to make changes that not only save money, but that contribute to the well-being of communities across the commonwealth.

Virginia is already on a good path. It has the lowest recidivism rate in the nation — 22.4 percent.

There are currently 125,000 elderly prisoners incarcerated in the United States — at a cost of $16 billion per year. Without dramatic changes in sentencing and parole policies, that number could grow to 400,000 by 2030 — at a cost of more than $50 billion per year. An American Civil Liberties Union report finds “that states on average will save $66,294 per aging prisoner released per year, even if those prisoners rely on public assistance for support upon release.”

Certainly Virginia and other states can use these funds in more creative and cost-effective ways to build just and sustainable communities.

Of course there are risks in paroling prisoners. But we should not overlook the many contributions that formerly incarcerated men and women have to make to society.

Tyrone Werts, who served 36 years of a life sentence, is one example of a formerly incarcerated person now having a big impact on his community. Now in his 70s, Werts works with The Inside-Out Prison Exchange Program in Philadelphia to bring together incarcerated and nonincarcerated people “for transformative learning experiences that invite participants to take leadership in addressing crime, justice, and other issues of social concern.”

At 593 per 100,000 people, the United States incarcerates a higher percentage of its population than every country in the world except El Salvador. By comparison Germany and Japan incarcerate 75 and 41 per 100,000, respectively.

We can do better! Incarcerating so many people is not good for budgets or for building communities that grow by learning from mistakes.

Are These The World Leaders Of The Future?

Brazil's 38th president is removing protection for its rain forests.

According to the last issue of The Week, Brazil's newly elected right-wing president Jair Bolsonaro, plans to make the Amazon rain forest far more accessible to farmers and loggers. This is sure to further threaten the future of a huge area what has been called the "lungs of the planet".

Citing an editorial in Brasil.ElPais.com, nearly 13 percent of the country, actually an area the size of Texas and California combined, is set aside for native tribes, which includes much of what is the largest rain forest in the world. One of Bolsonaro's first acts as president was to take away the right of the National Indian Foundation to decide matters regarding lands claimed by indigenous people and to turn that power over to his agriculture minister, "a fierce advocate of farmers' rights."

(It should be noted that one of the reasons there is so much demand for farm land in Brazil is to meet the demand for cheap beef for our our fast food cravings, but that's another story.)

Mr. Duterte is the 16th president of the Philippines.

In the same issue of The Week there is a column from the Manila Times about Philippine's new president, Rodrigo Duterte, who recently boasted, in one of his frequent rambling speeches, that when he was thirteen he groped their family's housemaid while she was asleep.

Instead of public outrage at the president's callous admission, the Times reported that "rationalizations and justifications poured like rain" from Duterte's supporters. The column went on to state, "We will lose respect for the office and for ourselves if we can't keep our moral bearings under this immoral president."

But are these just signs of things to come?

Today's DNR Editorial On Open Doors Shelter

editorial January 14, 2019

For the benefit of residents who don't have access to the Daily News-Record (now under new management), here's an example of why I subscribe:

When the mercury drops and the snow falls as it did this weekend, many of us have an extra pep in our step as we make the frigid journey from the car to the front door. 

Maybe you put on a kettle to make tea you can sip while snuggled under a warm blanket and perhaps in front of a wood stove or fire.

It times like these we might acknowledge the pleasures of creature comforts, but we suspect many take them for granted. It’s times like these that some in our community flock to the Open Doors emergency shelter.

They don’t have a home or most likely even a car to seek refuge from the elements, and Open Doors is often their only option other than sleeping outside or committing a petty crime to get a roof over their head for the night in Rockingham County Jail.

Called the Harrisonburg And Rockingham Thermal Shelter when it opened in 2007, Open Doors is a seasonal shelter hosted by faith-based organizations, which supply volunteers to help serve a nightly meal and visit with guests. Its location varies each week. 

Open Doors guests may not be able to get into other shelters because they have substance-abuse problems or are registered sex offenders. Not all fall under those categories, and many are simply down on their luck and had nowhere else to turn.

Regardless, the volunteers and staff who provide these folks with a hot meal, a little dignity and other support are to be commended for what they do.

Cynics say organizations like Open Doors enable homelessness, a ludicrous assessment of the work it does.

The goal, foremost, is to prevent people from dying of exposure, with the long-term aim of helping people gain permanent housing, which Open Doors has successfully done.

Is there potentially someone who would take advantage of a well-meaning group of people? Maybe, but that’s better than living in a community that doesn’t care if marginalized people die in the streets.

At least that’s what Matthew 25 might lead you to believe.

“... I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’”

I'm All For Freedom Of Speech, But This Garbage Is Far From Free

This is guaranteed to bring about the end of
cancer, Alzheimers, heart disease, strokes
and the entire Democratic Party.

I ran across this scam while accessing a supposedly reputable weather information website today. Below all of the weather information were links to some other posts. One that caught my eye had a photo of Nancy Pelosi and the caption "This major scandal just leaked out of the Democratic Party."

Curious about what kind of dreadful conspiracy this might describe, I endured a long lecture about how 'Crooked Hilary' has for years been working with a powerful criminal cartel of very wealthy people who promoted her election bid and through which she has managed to gain total control of the entire Food and Drug Administration. According to this site, through her elaborate and insidious "Executive Plan 5" she manages to promote a wicked US pharmaceutical industry that results in thousands of people dying every year from prescription drugs that have been scientifically proven not to work and are in fact proven to actually make people worse.

What is claimed by this dubious site to actually cure all kinds of cancers, and without chemotherapy, radiation or deadly surgery, is a rare product called "Sour Honey." Simply add it to your tea and your dreaded cancer cells will immediately begin to self-destruct!

I'm certainly not a fan of US drug companies and our current expensive healthcare system, but all of this is of course patently ridiculous. And the cost of this book (actually a 45-page pamphlet published by the so-called Health Sciences Institute and posted on Amazon), ranges from $70 for a used copy to well over $300 for a new one.

My question is why any reputable weather website would post this kind of scam--and why a company like Amazon would market it. And trust me, I would feel exactly the same way if this were about some anti-Trump conspiracy (as opposed to some reputable expose based on verifiable evidence).

In an era in which any view with which one doesn't agree tends to be labeled as 'fake news', I still hope the truth matters.